I haven’t been posting because I haven’t felt like I had anything I could post because nothing was getting finished. That and I was too busy working on everything that I wasn’t finishing to sit and blog about it. I’ve got to get this thing down and make it more a part of my daily routine. I’ll add that to the massive to-do list I’ve written on the sliding glass door in our kitchen that leads to our Arizona room. I wrote it in dry-erase marker and I feel no small satisfaction every time I get to wipe a whole section clean. I got to wipe a couple of pretty big sections in the last few days and it felt really, really good!
We’ve been doing a lot of work towards my youngest son’s birthday. We had his party recently and I’m still not quite wrapping my brain around the fact that my baby is now in second grade and on his way to growing up entirely. We won’t discuss the fact that a mere 5 or 6 years sees his older brother starting college, possibly across the entire country. We might just have to up and move to the east coast. I don’t know if I can handle this.
It’s an interesting dichotomy when you have children with biggish age differences. On one hand, I’m still correcting word pronunciation as the younger one still somewhat frequently sits on my lap when we watch TV in the evenings. On the other hand, I’m starting to talk about ambition, dedication, integrity, and decisions that will quite literally alter the course of the older one’s entire life. He is possibly going on a trip this summer to tour colleges. When the heck did that happen? How did they grow up so much already?
And then they start a fight over something totally ridiculous, and I’m right back to wondering when they’ll grow up already. It’s a constant back and forth with mothering, I find, that one moment you can be so proud and ready to cry because your babies are getting ever more grown up, needing you less and less, and the next second, you feel so frustrated and ready to cry because your distinguished little young men are still acting so much like babies.
I’ve tried to be very zen about this entire process. I keep telling myself, no matter what I see or what I go through in parenthood or life in general that “the eyes of man are never satisfied”, and that on some level, we always seem to want exactly what we don’t have. I try not to rush their growth, but I also try not to mourn their growth. I make a conscious effort, whatever season, to be content with things as they are. As much as I love to finish things and get a sense of completion in my every day, life is just not like that. It’s one long series of things in process. I thank God every day that my children aren’t finished yet. They’re still here, making me proud, making me glow, and generally enriching life to the point that I want to go down on my knees and thank God for what an honor and a privilege it is to constantly pick up these people’s socks from around my house.
I didn’t start off like this, sounding all noble and far more amazing than I actually am from day to day. But I can guarantee this from my laughably limited experience: love, in whatever form, in any situation, at any time, is a choice. I make a conscious decision to love my family and to keep things fun and fabulous for everyone. “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” It starts with thoughts.
To catch up a bit on life, I’ll share that my business has expanded now from Tempe Yarn and Fiber to include The Sedona Knit Wits. So now my buttons are being sold in two shops across my lovely state of Arizona. I’m so excited about this! What an awesome opportunity and blessing. It’s a real joy to be moving forward in something that I’ve been working on for so long.
Right now, though, I have to say that my life is being consumed by the kitteh. But that’s an entirely different post, and one I’ll have to do tomorrow, hopefully after making this thing is out of my life forever. I may be giving away an amigurumi crochet book, too, because while the pattern is brilliantly written and very well organized, I can’t say the last time I hated a project more than this one. We joke in our fiber circles that we hope projects like this don’t give the recipient hives because of all of the negativity they must have absorbed through their creation. I know that stuff like that doesn’t actually happen, but still, I may have to get an exorcism done on this thing before I give it to my son just to be safe.
Isn’t it just the creepiest thing you’ve ever seen? Not a very nice end to my “lovely incomplete” post… The kitteh doesn’t count as part of that schmoozy, glowy sentiment. I’m getting my hooks out. This thing has to be done TODAY.
But, here, this WAS going to be the end of my sweet post before I got distracted by the kitteh. I’ve started a new cowl with some yarn I bought from a lovely friend when she was de-stashing. I started this project as a means to teach another friend how to knit the Feather and Fan or Old Shale stitch. (No nitpicky knitters get on my case about that. Whether or not this is actually Feather and Fan simply doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of all of life, does it? So everyone keeps calling this stitch the technical wrong thing, but I guarantee you, the planets will still orbit, the sun will still rise and set, and the only bad thing that will happen is perhaps a raise in the blood pressure of the person who gets mad about it. We’ll keep passing on the information, but the main reason everyone has forgotten the “real” feather and fan stitch, I believe, is because it’s not as pretty and it’s way more complicated to make. But I digress.)
This is my current lovely incomplete that is following me around right now. I usually do socks, but right now I’m so charmed by the waves of this stitch that I am really enjoying it. My plan is to knit an entire 50 gram ball of sock yarn into this cowl, but I may not do that if it starts getting too long. Oh, well, we’ll see. My affection for this project seems to grow in direct correlation to the growth of my hatred for the kitteh. Every stitch done on this cowl right now is like a bite of cheesecake. It’s that good. I just don’t want it to end.